What it REALLY feels like: Helping parents understand apraxia and how to motor coach

Did you know that at least 80% of the autistic population has motor difficulties? This means that autistic people might struggle to move in the same way as nonautistic people. Some autistic people, and particularly nonspeakers, minimal speakers or unreliable speakers, struggle to plan and coordinate their movements. Not because they don’t understand, but because of the disconnect between mind and body. Read on to find out more about this and to learn how to coach a nonspeaker.

If they know the answer, why aren’t they able to point to it?
 

As parents of nonspeaking, minimally or unreliably speaking individuals, we often wonder:

• Why can’t they just point to the letter or pick up an object when we ask them to?
• They know the answer, so why can’t they write it, or type it independently?

One possible answer is apraxia, a neurological condition that affects motor planning. It’s not about intelligence or willingness. It’s about the frustrating disconnect between the brain and the body. This means the brain knows and understands, but it’s almost as though the brain and the body are not talking to each other. So what will help, you might ask?  Coaching the motor.

What is motor coaching?

Motor coaching is all about guiding someone through physical movements by breaking them down into simple, clear steps. It’s especially helpful for people with motor planning challenges, where the brain has trouble telling the body how to do certain actions. 

Instead of expecting someone to nail a whole movement at once, motor coaching focuses on teaching each tiny piece slowly and patiently, almost like turning a big, tricky dance routine into small, easy-to-learn moves. 

This way, the individual builds confidence and builds muscle memory step-by-step, making complex actions feel a lot more manageable and less overwhelming. 

Motor coaching example: Standing up from a chair:

1.  Scoot your bum forward to the edge of the chair
2. Place your feet flat on the floor
3. Put your hands on the armrests or side of the chair
4. Lean forward a little
5. Push down with your hands and feet
6. Straighten legs to stand up

If you’ve never experienced what apraxia and the mind-body disconnect feel like, here’s a simple, eye-opening experiment to try to give yourself a taste of how our spellers experience the world.

Try This at Home: A Simple Motor Challenge

Pick an everyday task: writing your name, stacking blocks, or cutting a shape. Now try it with one or more of these constraints:

• Use your non-dominant hand

• Wear gloves

• Close your eyes

• Wait until someone gives you 3–5 steps all at once before you begin

How did you feel? You might have suddenly felt like you were clumsy, you might have felt frustrated or even mentally overloaded; you might have even felt as though your body wasn’t listening to your brain. That’s just a glimpse of what your speller might experience every day.

What not to do? Be careful of the hand-over-hand pitfall

In our parent workshops, participants are placed into pairs, and we take things one step further. Sometimes, we will give participants a delayed instruction. After this, we ask the participants to use what is known as hand over hand; one partner is asked to complete the task for the other person by moving the participant’s hand for them.

Guess what happens?

• The “student” resists or freezes

• They feel out of control or disrespected

• They may finish the task, but feel confused or helpless

• This takes away their autonomy

This is how many nonspeaking children and adults feel when well-meaning adults move their hands without consent. It may look helpful, but it disconnects them from their own body’s learning process.

So What Does Help?

✅ Use calm, rhythmic verbal cues: “Reach your hand forward… now open your fingers… close the fingers… and lift it up.”

✅ We call this motor coaching: verb/action word + a body part

✅ Celebrate effort, not just accuracy. It’s the small things that count.

✅ Focus on regulation first, a calm body learns better. There is no connection without regulation.

✅ Practice co-regulation: deep breathing, soft voice, grounding presence

✅ Trust their competence, even when their body doesn’t cooperate

Remember: Your speller isn’t being lazy, difficult, or noncompliant. Their nervous system is doing its best, and they need your calm, consistent support to get through the motor fog.

More pitfalls to be mindful of

 ❌ Overpraising with ‘good jobs’ and ‘high-fives’. You should be your child’s cheerleader, but constant meaningless praise every time they get something right can be condescending and annoying. 

✅Shift your approach to: ‘Nice job lifting your arm!”; “Love how you got your eyes on the target!”. 

❌ Mind your language! Don’t baby it down and avoid pitching your voice as if you are talking to a baby or a pet. 

✅Use age-appropriate language and tone. Give clear, concise instructions for each step with supportive motor coaching.

❌ Saying the ‘N’ word – NO! Imagine you’re driving to my office and you get lost. You have the address, but somehow you take a wrong turn and call me for help. You tell me where you are, and I respond with, “Nope!” or “No” or “Not that one!” — how frustrating would that be? You already know you’re lost. What you need is helpful, supportive directions to get back on track. That’s exactly how it works with motor coaching. Instead of just saying “no,” respond with a clear, supportive prompt to guide them toward success. 

✅Instead, say “Almost, let’s try again” “Oops, get the one next door” “Reach further” and prompt the eyes: “Look for it” “Scan with your eyes”.

Final Thoughts

Motor coaching isn’t about doing it for your child. It’s about guiding them to do it themselves, even if that journey is slow, clumsy, or full of resets.

They don’t need you to control their body.
They need you to believe in their mind.

They need you to support and coach their motor. 

Here’s a challenge for you: Play some Jenga or any other board game with your speller! 

Remember that you want to coach the motor; not do it for them, but help them to be a part of the fun.

And lastly, here’s a video to help wrap up all of this information that you have just taken in.